Esther Perel is a preeminent psychotherapist and relationship expert from Belgium, who is known for her dynamic research on everything from couples intimacy to argument style.
She is the author of several New York Times bestselling books on relationships (including The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity) as well as the creator of a new, intriguing emotional learning card game called Where Should We Begin? A Game of Stories by Ester Perel. That, and she’s fluent in nine languages!
In the below video, she uses an example fight to illustrate the myriad ways in which many of us bring baked-in assumptions about our partners to every argument.
Then, she gives insight on what we can do to relieve ourselves of the added frustration that this behavior inevitably creates.
By indicating how confirmation bias and misplaced emotions can skew the narrative we create about our partner’s motivations, we can gain greater insight into the psychology of forgiveness in even the most basic arguments. (Like when one partner gets mad at the other one for being late.)
It’s a simple, intriguing practice that can save us all a lot of grief. Plus, we can apply this strategy to our social, professional, and familial relationships just as much as to our intimate relationships with a partner or spouse. When you know how to fight smarter, moreover, everyone wins.
Watch Esther advise on how to fight smarter to avoid the most common relationship pitfalls in the video, below.